Monday, March 22, 2010


I feel very overwhelmed right now.  Unable to cope.

I have a bunch of papers to do for work, but I am sick and tired, and just want to sleep. I am scared that if I tell my bosses about being sick, they will yell at me.  Or insist that I go to a doctor.  I don't have enough money to go to a doctor.  

My internet security is going to expire in a couple days.  I had someone tell me that my security isn't very good, but he didn't bother to tell me what a good company is, so now I feel like I should get a new company.  But I don't know what companies are good.  

I need to find a full time job.  But a.) there are no jobs and b.) I feel too sick and tired to look for a job.

I need to do my taxes.  I don't think I have enough money to pay my taxes.  Also, money and numbers confuse me, so I am dreading filling out the forms.

I need to do 14 hours of new lawyer continuing legal education by the end of may.  Arg.  If I don't do them, I will get in trouble, and I won't be able to practice law. 

I have horrible nightmares every night, and wake up either crying or screaming. This has started to freak me out. 

I have a speech impediment, and I'm a lawyer.  Sometimes I freak out about having to speak in court.  What if my speech impediment acts up?  Also, I am terrible about vocalizing my thoughts, so even if I manage to get the words out, they aren't what I was thinking, and then I sound stupid. 

I hate paying my bills, so I usually procrastinate paying them.  Then they end up being late, and I get charged a late fee.  I hate money.

Someone was very mean to me yesterday.  Now I just want to cry.  

I worry that no one wants to be my friend because I am always stressed about stuff.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you're so stressed and overwhelmed! I hate money too, I have felt the same way about it. I just wish it could go away.

And I'm your friend! I wish we lived closer so you could come over and have some pie with me sometime.

You can do it Jeanie! Spring is coming, and everything will work out. That's what happens in the spring time, things work out. :)

Jacki said...

I lived with you for nine months and never even knew you had a speech impediment. I doubt many people ever notice.

Kelsey said...

I was thinking the same thing as Jacki. Also, I hope things get better for you quickly.

Jan said...

Sorry things are difficult for you now. :(

I have problems talking sometimes. I have the same fears about my speech impediment acting up, or having problems vocalizing my thoughts. It tends to happen when I am working, but sometimes not. Sometimes everything flows right. I think that if you take time to think, and really, really know what you are talking about then it won't be as big of a problem. Also, expecting something to happen sometimes makes it happen. So don't expect it to happen. I also noticed that mine seems to go away if I talk enough to people. Maybe you need to find people to talk to for hours.

Can you pay your bills automatically? Set up one of those programs through your bank.

You should borrow someone's tax program to pay your taxes. It is only good for a year anyway, they won't have use for it. Or maybe you can get a boy to do it for you. Use them.

Ask nerdly boys what good internet security program to switch to. Maybe they will install and buy one for you.

Tell work that you are ill and to get someone else to do the papers. They might get mad, but you will get a day off. Your health is more important than their emotions.

Spend your day off planning your education classes. :)

Do some yoga and meditation before bed. It shouldn't take extra energy, but it should help you become more restful, and thus get more energy over time.

Hope you don't feel as overwhelmed tomorrow. :(