Today is my 30th Birthday, and I feel like a failure.
I am homeless. Currently, I am staying with Rachel for the holidays. After the holidays, my wonderful sister-in-law said I could live with her until I find my own place. She lives in the suburbs of New York City, and I am really happy that she said I could live with her. But, I do not have a place of my own, and after living on my own for so long, I feel pathetic mooching off family.
I am jobless. For the first 8 months of my LLM program I had a job. But this last semester, I haven't been able to get one. And then I started applying for jobs when I graduated, and no one has even responded. So now I am headed back to New York City without a job, and signed up to take the New York Bar in the hopes that this will help me get a job in the city.
I am relationship-less and childless. Sometimes I don't mind waiting so long to settle down and have children, because I got to do a lot of things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was married with kids. Like go to lawschool twice, and live in Chicago and New York City. However, whenever I come home, my mother makes comments about how she doesn't think I'll ever get married and maybe I should consider adoption if I ever want to have children. That makes me really depressed.
I did gain another law degree, which I am hoping will help me reach my end goals of working in the fashion industry and becoming a law professor. This is exciting. Of course, I went another $50k in debt to get the degree.
And I gained 20 pounds. I really hate feeling fat. On top of that, I have spent a lot of money to buy the clothes I own, and I don't want to have to buy new clothes because I got fat. I have lots of nice clothes, and it makes me sad I am too big to wear them.
I am always sick, and I don't have insurance. Insurance is one of those luxuries I've had to give up because I am poor. But now, I've developed chronic sinus infections, and I am always sick, and the (free) doctor at my school told me to go see a specialist. And just seeing an ear nose and throat specialist costs about $650. If they touch you at all, the costs quickly escalate (looking up your nose is another few hundred dollars.) Even the clinic for poor people charges about $200 to see a specialist. I am strongly in favor of a government run health care system. Because no one should have to be too sick to work and too poor to see a doctor, which is how I've been lately.
Here's hoping this year I get a (really good) job, pass the bar, find a nice place to live, settle down, get skinny and get healthy.