Thursday, December 29, 2011

30th Birthday

Today is my 30th Birthday, and I feel like a failure.

I am homeless.  Currently, I am staying with Rachel for the holidays.  After the holidays, my wonderful sister-in-law said I could live with her until I find my own place.  She lives in the suburbs of New York City, and I am really happy that she said I could live with her.  But, I do not have a place of my own, and after living on my own for so long, I feel pathetic mooching off family.

I am jobless.  For the first 8 months of my LLM program I had a job.  But this last semester, I haven't been able to get one.  And then I started applying for jobs when I graduated, and no one has even responded.  So now I am headed back to New York City without a job, and signed up to take the New York Bar in the hopes that this will help me get a job in the city.

I am relationship-less and childless.  Sometimes I don't mind waiting so long to settle down and have children, because I got to do a lot of things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was married with kids.  Like go to lawschool twice, and live in Chicago and New York City.  However, whenever I come home, my mother makes comments about how she doesn't think I'll ever get married and maybe I should consider adoption if I ever want to have children.  That makes me really depressed.  

I did gain another law degree, which I am hoping will help me reach my end goals of working in the fashion industry and becoming a law professor.  This is exciting.  Of course, I went another $50k in debt to get the degree. 

And I gained 20 pounds.  I really hate feeling fat.  On top of that, I have spent a lot of money to buy the clothes I own, and I don't want to have to buy new clothes because I got fat.  I have lots of nice clothes, and it makes me sad I am too big to wear them. 

I am always sick, and I don't have insurance.  Insurance is one of those luxuries I've had to give up because I am poor.  But now, I've developed chronic sinus infections, and I am always sick, and the (free) doctor at my school told me to go see a specialist. And just seeing an ear nose and throat specialist costs about $650.  If they touch you at all, the costs quickly escalate (looking up your nose is another few hundred dollars.)  Even the clinic for poor people charges about $200 to see a specialist.  I am strongly in favor of a government run health care system.  Because no one should have to be too sick to work and too poor to see a doctor, which is how I've been lately. 

Here's hoping this year I get a (really good) job, pass the bar, find a nice place to live, settle down, get skinny and get healthy.   


Rachel said...

Well, if having an adoring niece says anything, than you are not a failure. Since Emily loves you to pieces.

Anonymous said...

If you want to take the bar in Nebraska you can come live with us. :) You're always welcome. AND wherever you end up this year, things will work out.

mimihalley said...

I think you are amazing and love having you in my family! That's cool that you'll live with Mindee and Pete for a while, and ditto Ames, you are welcome in Cincinnati whenever.

Sorry about the weight. I hate feeling fat, too. I hate comments from well intentioned people about how I should go to the gym. Do they think that somehow I don't notice how I look? Sigh.

Here's to a fantastic 2012!

MamaB said...

You are always welcome here, even if we don't have much room. You will always have a spot.
Relationships can sneak up on a person. Life is fun that way. He is out there wondering why he can't find you!
You are amazing!